How to curb the victim mentality in our children

We never do anything fun

It has been the most boring week of my life

Nobody loves me

It’s not fair, nothing goes right for me

Feel free to add to this list, if you have ever heard such exaggerated statements from your children.

Remember the story of the car breaking down, again and again, I wrote about ages ago. ( a series of fortunate events) Well, it was easy to fall into the trap of thinking nothing goes well or it’s always a horrible, very bad day. And while children and even adults at times think that the world is out to get us, if victim mentality becomes pervasive, then it’s just down, down, down a negative spiral.

How to detect if a child has become the host of a pity party

• A child might believe that there is nothing he can do to overcome the obstacles. This helpless attitude will increase the chance of being victimized by others.

• Instead of looking for solutions, the child may try to get sympathy all the time either by complaining, sulking, or crying.

• The child may focus on the negatives.

• The child may feel as if all hope is lost

• The child exaggerates the bad things

• The child blames everyone else

Failure, disappointments, rejection, and a series of unfortunate events are a part of life. An unkind remark failed test or being a bench warmer does not make us a victim. Empower your child to see those very adversarial circumstances as learning steps that forge a deeper, stronger character and prepare her for greatness in life ahead.

How to gate crash a pity party

Teach your child how to deal with uncomfortable emotions

Feelings of rejection or failure are not easy to deal with. Instead of blocking anger, hurt, anxiety or fear let your child sit with them for a while. Let those feeling dissipate and counsel them to replace with more positive emotions.

Replace negative thinking with positive affirmations

We all have been there where we think – oh my, why did this happen to me only? I am such an idiot. Well, if we keep calling ourselves idiot, we will come to believe it and will keep acting like an idiot. Each time our child feels inadequate to pull off something, remind him of something good about himself, a successful effort he made. And ask him to self affirm the next time he feels helpless.

Teach problem-solving skills

Don’t just jump in to solve everything for your child out of love. You will teach her to be passive to life’s challenges. Listen, ask, and direct her to alternative actions.

A little assertiveness goes a long way

Often in our households, we believe children are to be seen, not heard. They carry this picture to their adulthood and lose their voice. Help them find their voice and use it, firmly and politely. Empower your child to use her words and reduce the likelihood that she will become a victim.

Lights, drama, action!

I love theatrics only if they end on a good note. Teach your child to skip the drama by role-playing tough situations and how to navigate them. By being proactive and able to see her choices, she will be more likely to take positive action.

Lend a helping hand

If we pause to consider the misfortunes of others and how Allah has given us the power to help them- this very thought can have a powerful impact on his presumed victim status. Our children will see that everyone faces hardships and no matter how young they will recognize opportunities how they can make the world a better place.

Gratitude, gratitude, and more gratitude

Nothing lightens up the mood like thankfulness. Next time, you hear the incessant complaining ask your child to flip the attitude. Ask him to name just one good thing that happened to him. Create a gratitude tree or journal where everyone pins or records the good things.

Keep the pity party at bay.