About Hammer and Tongs

As I sat down to finish my cup of tea, the fireworks erupted.

“Where did you put my pouch of markers?”

“I did not touch them.”

“Yes, you DID.”

“No, I did NOT.”

“You always use them and never put them back.”

“You always think of me as irresponsible and use that accusatory tone.”

@#$^%&^*&*(&#@#$!

@$$^&%*&^*&(_)

Finally, I lose my sanity.

“Both of you stop it this instant.”

“Why can’t you be more polite to each other?”

“Stop drawing daggers at each other’s throat.”

“Stop! Stop! Stop!”

Silence

But only for a while…

Meanwhile, my inner monologue goes like this:

“Do I talk like that to my kids?

Where are they picking up that tone of voice?

That is so not a good reflection on my upbringing.”

Maybe it’s me who needs to pull the stops on myself.

Parenting is not for the faint-hearted, right from the moment GO. We carry our child within us for nine months. We hear her heartbeat with our hearts. We feel his movements in exact opposite rhythm with us: when we lay he kicks, when we walk, he rests. We feel an enormous amount of love burst within us as our bodies swell from every angle. We forge such a deep connection to that little human inside of us, who changes us in unimaginable ways, yet still reminds us of us.

And then we go through a harrowingly painful experience to bring our baby into this world. So even when the cord is cut, this teensy weensy bit of detail slips our mind. We don’t think of our child as a separate entity, rather an extension of who we are, what we do.

When our children misbehave, according to our perception, we tend to think in two ways:

Either, it’s a reflection of my own behavior with them.

Or, Whoa, that’s not me. She is definitely picking this up from somewhere else.

In both instances, we need to extend ourselves and our children, some grace.

Grace to the children, because they are also humans. They can be happy, delighted, and playful. And they can be sad, angry and grumpy. Just like us adults. They will push their limits to learn about the world. They will go at it hammer and tongs (at times) to figure out their ways in the world. They need our guidance to navigate the big emotions, not our judgments.

Grace to us, because we are also humans. We can make mistakes. Instead of either judging or denying, we can simply accept us for who we are and go one better than from the experience.

So,

I have recognized that my children are individuals who bicker with each other and:

Eventually, they do resolve their issues on their own

I need not interfere until it comes to blows

Their parents do lock horns over that wet towel that grows on its own on the floor

The towel goes to where it belongs and the parent says sorry

Back to that silence

A conversation like this followed.

“I say, if Z or A were here, they would have been able to give me drawing tips.”

“Yeah, and if R were younger he would have taught me his beautiful handwriting.”

“What say you; we practice our nelson handwriting and then have a competition?”

Mom indulges herself, until next time!!